So I went out for Thai food last night. Needed a meal with rice or noodles. Sticky Rice Cafe right there on International Blvd. is a great local business. The Pad Thai with chicken was exceptional. My first time there and I loved it.
As I walked back to my car which I had parked on a poorly-lit, unpopulated residential/business street (probably Mistake #1), I passed by two figures whom I assumed to be a couple out of the corner of my eye because they were walking close together. Because of their hoodies and because it was 9pm at night, I could not see any faces. Of course, Mistake #2: I didn't have my head up, nor did I acknowledge them directly with a look (which is often what I do out of habit; maybe that's just my shy Asian gene). Whatever the case, after closing my passenger door to put my food away, a young Black male in a hoodie was standing right behind me, too close for comfort. I am assuming in retrospect it was the same person whom I had thought was part of that couple (because it made sense that they would have targeted me on the fly and thought I'd be quick, easy money).
Me: What's up man? (Thinking he was gonna ask me for a cigarette or something)
Young Man: I need you to empty everything out your pockets.
Me: Are you serious? (In disbelief, but I obviously wasn't feeling like getting robbed that night)
At that point, another taller young man walked briskly up from behind me (Mistake #3: I had not been paying attention to my surroundings before I approached my car and after I unlocked the door). He didn't say anything, but I knew I was in trouble. I don't remember the exact exchange of words after the above lines. As soon as I realized I was about to get mugged, I went silent. I hesitated at first to take out my wallet. My hands being down towards my pockets anyway, I fingered my wallet with my right hand. Already I knew that I would rather give up my wallet and suffer a little inconvenience losing cash and card than give up my life. I took out my entire wallet, holding it in my right hand. I didn't offer it to him, nor did I say anything. I moved my body to the left away from the car. I don't remember being panicked, but I do remember my adrenaline started to pump. I'm not sure what I was prepared to do. I think I was waiting for him to show me more threat than just words (maybe Mistake #4?) and I was prepared to give him my wallet if he pointed a gun at me or even a knife. But I backed away from him, wallet in hand, feeling like I should get some space between us and sort of prepare myself for an aggressive move on his part. I was also thinking that if he did pull a gun and shot at me, that I would be able to duck behind the car that was parked in front of mine. I think I was prepared to run if he shot. But I'm also not quite sure what I would have done if he moved aggressively towards me. Definitely I was confused on what to do! (which is why training needs to address these scenarios). As I stood there halfway in the street, wallet in hand, looking at the two young men, they seemed to hesitate on what to do with me. It sounded like they were deciding on whether to rush me or something. I remember being scared at that point but I didn't want to run away from my car thinking they might get into it (why I thought that I don't know). Nor did I want to just run away without seeing more of a threat from him (I thought, however stupidly, that I could defend against fists but not against a knife or gun). Fortunately, it never escalated past the point of words and both of them walked quickly away down the sidewalk looking back at me as I looked at them. Once I made sure they were a safe distance away and not setting up to come rushing back at me, I quickly unlocked my driver's side door, got in and drove away.
I feel I was lucky in that situation. With my lack of proper training in these matters, I was hesitant on what to do; and I feel like if it had gone beyond words and the young man pulled a weapon, that hesitancy could have resulted in something far worse.
A few things are for sure in a situation like that:
- You need to know what your Ethics are beforehand. What line you will or won't cross. Can you hurt someone? Maim them? Kill someone? Can you give up your possessions? Do you care about your new shiny cell phone more than your life?
- You need to know what is allowable to do within the law. If I gouge out his eyeballs or smash his throat or give him a concussion, how can I be held liable? Need to know what is "appropriate violence" in that context?
- You need to know what you can do physically. Am I prepared for a punch? A kick? A shove? A grab? What if he pulls a gun? A knife? At what point do I strike?
- You need to fucking pay attention to your surroundings! The second guy that came up from behind me; had I not been against my car, would he have sucker punched me or grabbed me? I was lucky in that respect.
- Need to know verbal martial arts. As soon as I knew I was in trouble, I fell silent. Should I have yelled? Should I have said something? Should I have told him to "back up" in a loud voice? Again, I think I was lucky that it didn't escalate. And of course, I'm not gonna want to escalate the situation with a smart remark or fighting words. That's stupidity. I could have easily turned a lucky-they-don't-seem-like-they-want-to-rob-me-anymore situation into a shit-they-turned-back-on-me situation if I had been trying to defend my ego instead of my body.
Of course there's more to it than that. The author Rory Miller lays out it out pretty clearly in his book Facing Violence:
"There are seven elements that must be addressed to bring self-defense training to something approaching complete. Any training that dismisses any of these areas leaves the student vulnerable." (pg. xiii)Those "seven elements" are:
1. Legal and Ethical implications
2. Violence Dynamics
3. Avoidance
4. Counter-ambush
5. Breaking the freeze
6. The fight itself
7. The aftermath
I won't make this post any longer by going into any of those seven areas (save that for another time because I'm still learning about all those areas). I just know I need to get crackin' on my training with these things. I'm grateful nobody got hurt, but I'm also frustrated; these things are what a karate dojo needs to be teaching people! I don't care about no fucking tournaments! I don't care about how good my kata looks! I care about having real skills for real situations. Everything else is secondary. And I think this kind of training is what I'd like to get involved with teaching. As one person told me here in Oakland (she's a teacher), some of her students are scared of getting jumped and robbed. That's the kind of real thing training needs to address. Even a small incident like the one that happened to me last night had me frustrated and unable to sleep. Imagine if it had been worse? I think I would have been traumatized. Yes, we want peaceful interactions amongst members of our society; but if we don't know how to face violence (or are unwilling to), then I don't think we'll have any real peace.
Elbow SMASH!
- Hiji Até
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