Building confidence

"I don't want to be afraid to say hi to somebody because I think they might ask me for a favor. I'd like to be able to be on the level where I'm so used to setting my boundaries that I can be open with people so if they do say or ask me something that I disagree with that I don't have a problem saying no."  ~ David Colón

"A clenched fist cannot shake hands."  ~ Indira Gandhi, 3rd Prime Minister of India*

That first quote is from a good friend I was in conversation with recently. I think it speaks directly to the reasons why I believe personal safety should be an integral part of modern karate training. I am beginning to recognize that a real way to build confidence in people is not through some kind of rigid militaristic discipline, but by showing them how conflicts (not all of course) can be de-escalated by knowing how to set solid, affirmative boundaries with other human beings. This is something I'm learning now as I read the Kid Power book. As I've mentioned, this is one of the groups I'm looking into for instructor certification. I included the second quote because I interpret it to mean, if you're always on guard with people because you think they might take advantage of you or attack you, it becomes difficult to hold real respect for them (but that doesn't mean you should be naive either). No one should have to walk out of their front door in fear of another human being.

*Funny side note: I first saw that "clenched fist" quote on Patrick McCarthy's website and I assumed it to be the words of some wise karate sensei as there was no reference given. Subsequently, I began telling people this quote and attributing it to the wisdom of an Okinawan karate master. I finally googled that quote to see if I could locate its source for this blog post; lo and behold, it wasn't the source I thought! Oops!

Anywhere there are people there are bound to be personal safety concerns. I mean, maybe I'm wrong to associate personal safety training with Okinawan karate but I think it's an important element for any person to understand and practice.  Knowing how to de-escalate conflict first with your awareness, words, body language, etc seems to be more appropriate than just knowing how to strike, smash, throw, or break someone. I think the descending order of excellence in Personal Safety is something like what Rory Miller says in Facing Violence:

"It is better to avoid than to run, better to run than to de-escalate, better to de-escalate than to fight, better to fight than to die." (pg. 42)

I think there is this severe misconception out there that your average local dojo is going to be able to teach you how to become proficient in dealing with "personal safety violence" (i.e. common acts of violence such as those similar to what McCarthy calls HAPV; see link below). Maybe some places might even advertise, "Learn how to defend yourself! Only $99.99 for six weeks!". I think the fact of the matter is, unless you are training seriously for more than 1 hour/3 days a week, you are not going to be able to develop a level of functionality suitable enough to successfully handle a physical altercation. You might get lucky, but I don't want to be relying on my luck in a dangerous scenario like that. I mean, think about how the police or military are trained. If you're training for reality, you're not gonna be prepared by taking a few classes here and there; you've got to train seriously for the situation you are going to be in. That doesn't mean you need to come home from the dojo with bruises every week (even though that could happen). It means that the pedagogical model by which you're learning from has to correspond to the reality of violence for whichever context you're in, i.e. civilian, military, etc. The way that a samurai in feudal Japan trained in jujutsu was necessary for actual combat. And remember, that was their job. They were professional warriors. It would be silly and unrealistic I think for a young woman living in our 21st century to take up jujutsu at a local dojo and think she's gonna be trained the same way, or even think that she's gonna be functional in the same skill sets. You have to account for the fact that modern martial arts is not taught the same way it was "back in the day". And I don't think it would make sense to train the same way. We've got to adapt to our changing reality. But that doesn't mean we should lose the practical functionality of what the art was intended to teach. I don't think for example that karate needs to become an Olympic sport or be popularized through tournaments in order for it to be relevant to future generations. I think karate can remain relevant for the same reasons it was for the practitioners of the past; as a way to defend yourself against HAPV (habitual acts of physical violence). Fundamentally, the human being has not changed. We are still struggling profoundly with our Ego, which is the source from which violent conflicts arise. Therefore, it is still a necessity I think to have a level of skill in dealing with this. I'm hoping that the things I'm learning in this field of Personal Safety, whether with Kid Power or not, can help me to become more confident in how to handle conflict in the civilian realm.

"Lacking confidence about self-protection is the mind's subliminal message to the body that more training is necessary to overcome fear. Indomitable fortitude illuminates the darkness of fear." (pg. 104)

Elbow SMASH.
- Hiji Até